A sixth sense .. in the face of danger

When you become a parent, especially a mother, a strange phenomenon occurs. Suddenly you are solely responsible for the well-being of this tiny, fragile, living, breathing person. Any illness or injury that baby incurs will inevitably reflect poorly on your pristine, super hero parenting status, whether it’s laser beaming from outside judgment or your own self-inflicted ridicule. It shouldn’t be that way, but it just is.

There’s that cheesy overused quote by Elizabeth Stone about how having a child is like deciding to “forever have your heart go walking outside of your body”. I hate to use it since it’s been sucked dry of novelty. But it doesn’t make the sentiment any less true. Suddenly the care-free, nomadic, life on the edge of youth mentality is replaced with a long, anxiety stricken, thoughtfully treaded path down the next 18 years. Whether it’s watching your clumsy little lady painfully power through another banger as she learns to walk, or waiting up past midnight because your newly dating teenager is a few minutes past curfew. It really never ends. But I’m jumping ahead of myself.

In the last few months I’ve recognized my new-found power – this uncanny ability to look around a room with a disturbing awareness of lurking danger. I’ve noticed my vision cuing in on interesting details, like the giant plastic sign that rested delicately above our window, unsecured, just waiting for a light breeze to sweep it into a fit of Edward scissor hands. Or the rickety highchair at Marlene’s Deli that weeble-wobbled around like a bad game of Jenga. The crinkle appeal of that bagel bag from the coffee shop might distract her long enough to process payment but wait too long and the tissue paper will dissolve and lodge itself in her throat like a cotton ball ... hypothetically speaking, of course. Additionally, my imagination spirals me into nightmarish visions of cars veering off the road as we take a casual neighborhood walk. Or I could stay off the main roads and opt for a nature trail tangled with the possibility of wild brush lunging out at your unsuspecting child because you’re using the front facing stroller. It’s understandable that becoming a parent can age you ten years into a future of grey hairs and crow’s feet. That is a lot of pressure!!

Here are a few baby-proofing, or generally life preserving tips and resources:

1. Secure all hanging decor. Picture frames, signage, wreathes made of thorns, weaponry, heavy iron sculptures, shelves with burning candles and glass figurines, that sort of thing. They may seem secure when you're in a room with full grown, weathered adults but put a "porcelain doll" baby in the middle of the space and it's just a matter of time before the next earthquake or shoulder swipe. All the sudden shutting the front door becomes a game of Russian roulette. We quickly came to our sense and traded the pyramid shelf system I had jury rigged over the changing table for this peace of mind:

1. Go ahead and splurge on one of those baby proofing kits they sell at BabiesRUs or any baby good store. These kits are a gold mine of plastic pieces intended to keep our juniors from the other side. Why not buy survival supplies in bulk. Just be sure to baby proof the baby proofing kit. That thing has choke hazard written all over it.
2. Check out these neat ideas for do it yourself baby proofing secrets. Café Mom on The Stir features 12 clever safetyhacks using items like tennis balls and pool noodles. In the meantime, literally get down and check out exactly what enticing mischief lies outside of our normal sights.
3. Rather than fear for your child’s life every time you think about the harmful cleaners and chemicals lying around the house, consider switching to more natural methods. Here are a few recipes from Wellness Mama.
4. The art of distraction. (My mother used this trick on me) There’s nothing more tempting then a bunch of drawers and cabinets that are off limits. Reverse the psychology and leave one cabinet full of small pots, Tupperware and baby friendly utensils as a successful means of keeping that munchkin out of the glass wear and knife sets.
5. A good rule of thumb, although easier said than done, is to teach responsible, safe behavior. Hopefully when the day comes that your child does come across a screenless window or a door to the other side, they will have a little sense instilled to make good decisions.